Being Available (A follow up to "Kingdoms Made of Sand")
Good vs. Better and Good vs. Best
Faced with so many wonderful, fun, career-growth, etc., choices in life, how do I reach for the best, when this potentially good thing is being dropped in my lap? Having spent 35 years of my life on the career path, I have been making the same choices out of pure habit for years. Saying NO to a stepping stone toward the next tier is still unthinkable! How do I decline a great opportunity handed to me on a silver platter, no less?
I thought, well, I'll take time to pray about it. Pray about what? Aren't the answers all around me? It's like saying, I'm going to eat a bowl of Cheetos and pray that they'll turn into carrots on the way down. Well, that's just lack of self-discipline--not making right choices because I want immediate gratification for my fleshly lusts without consequence. I wanted to take time to pray to lust after it a little longer and hold it and keep turning it over and taking it in, until I couldn't part with it and HAD to have it.
However, the answers truly were all around me. What has God been speaking to me for five years, even 10 and 30 years, preparing me for the job I'm already doing? I'm watching small fast-moving legs walking back and forth from room to room collecting objects and listening to high-pitched voices, as they ceasingly work to build their imaginative world out of odds and ends and toy objects. This is the job I'm doing--being available.
I counseled with my musical/homeschooling/teaching/singing soul sister who said that when her kids were young, she turned down countless opportunities simply to be available.
To eat wooden food cut with a little wooden knife by tiny hands, to point out middle C, to listen to a new reader who wants to keep reading Psalm after Psalm after Psalm, because it's fun to read out of his new Bible. To wipe eye-crusties, to watch a toy lion balance unnaturally on two legs, and play Uno Moo for the 40th time today. To look into my husband's eyes and soak in the smoky blue and write to you and take a phone call from a friend. To research curricula and encourage friends "thinking" of homeschooling. To....etc., etc., etc. Endless list.
I did indeed decline, Happily/Sadly, this wonderful opportunity in order that I may be available. I prayed, hoping the answers around me would change, but God just pointed me again to the feast around me of His mercies and grace in my own messy home and all that He's given my hand to do during this season. I can indeed fit more in. I can indeed do the potential new career job one day a week with my eyes half closed, but I need to be available.
Thank You, Lord for showing me, again, the obvious and the great joy that is mine right now, without needing more.
It was a Kingdom Made Of Sand
But You've Blown it all Away
I Can't Believe That I Can Say
That I'm Glad.