Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Being Available (A follow up to "Kingdoms Made of Sand")

Good vs. Better and Good vs. Best

Choices
Choices
Choices
Choices

Faced with so many wonderful, fun, career-growth, etc., choices in life, how do I reach for the best, when this potentially good thing is being dropped in my lap?  Having spent 35 years of my life on the career path, I have been making the same choices out of pure habit for years.  Saying NO to a stepping stone toward the next tier is still unthinkable!    How do I decline a great opportunity handed to me on a silver platter, no less?  

I thought, well, I'll take time to pray about it.  Pray about what?  Aren't the answers all around me?  It's like saying, I'm going to eat a bowl of Cheetos and pray that they'll turn into carrots on the way down.  Well, that's just lack of self-discipline--not making right choices because I want immediate gratification for my fleshly lusts without consequence.   I wanted to take time to pray to lust after it a little longer and hold it and keep turning it over and taking it in, until I couldn't part with it and HAD to have it.

However, the answers truly were all around me.  What has God been speaking to me for five years, even 10 and 30 years, preparing me for the job I'm already doing?  I'm watching small fast-moving legs walking back and forth from room to room collecting objects and listening to high-pitched voices, as they ceasingly work to build their imaginative world out of odds and ends and toy objects.  This is the job I'm doing--being available.

I counseled with my musical/homeschooling/teaching/singing soul sister who said that when her kids were young, she turned down countless opportunities simply to be available.  

Being. 
Available.



To eat wooden food cut with a little wooden knife by tiny hands, to point out middle C, to listen to a new reader who wants to keep reading Psalm after Psalm after Psalm, because it's fun to read out of his new Bible.  To wipe eye-crusties, to watch a toy lion balance unnaturally on two legs, and play Uno Moo for the 40th time today.  To look into my husband's eyes and soak in the smoky blue and write to you and take a phone call from a friend.  To research curricula and encourage friends "thinking" of homeschooling.  To....etc., etc., etc.  Endless list.
  



I did indeed decline, Happily/Sadly, this wonderful opportunity in order that I may be available.  I prayed, hoping the answers around me would change, but God just pointed me again to the feast around me of His mercies and grace in my own messy home and all that He's given my hand to do during this season.  I can indeed fit more in.  I can indeed do the potential new career job one day a week with my eyes half closed, but I need to be available.

Thank You, Lord for showing me, again, the obvious and the great joy that is mine right now, without needing more.  

It was a Kingdom Made Of Sand
But You've Blown it all Away
I Can't Believe That I Can Say
That I'm Glad.





6 comments:

  1. beautiful, Christi! I am loving these posts!

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  2. Oh Dear Friend! You have chosen what is better and it will not be taken from you - Luke 10:42. The Lord is indeed at work in your heart for I have seen it first hand! Thank God that He has given you the joy and peace to serve where you are and where you are most needed. Love You Much! Jill

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  3. I will never, ever, for one minute (did I mention never)regret being available to my kids, by giving up my beloved career in the Fire Dept. I have often told people, "I didn't really choose to give it up".I just did, cause it was so the obvious thing to do.God stirs our hearts(thank you very much)and usually makes it clear the right thing to do. We, in our flesh, just don't always want to see it. I KNOW.....you will never (did I mention never) regret being available.
    SO glad for your family that they have an "available" mommy and wife.

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  4. Chrisness, I love you so much. And I am enjoying reading many of your posts. But I have to say something in regard to this one, because I'm not understanding.

    I have to ask when do you take care of YOU? Why do you view a one-day-a-week opportunity to do something that excites you as a temptation or "lust of the flesh"? I don't think it's sinful to want something for yourself (within reason of course!). God didn't give you specific gifts and design you as a unique individual for no reason. What if He, knowing you are feeling restless and perhaps struggling a bit with where you thought you'd be at this time in your life (believe me, I get THAT!), handed you this opportunity as a way to keep you stable and grounded FOR your family? Many may disagree, but I think the best thing that you can do for your children is take good care of their mother. I'm not saying run out and get a 60 hour a week job or anything, but one day a week? That still leaves PLENTY of time to be "available" while giving your children a chance to experience some independence AND feed your own soul in the process. You come back to your family refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on even more messes! Win-win-win.

    Obviously my observations are based on not knowing the entire story, so understand that I mean no disrespect to you or ANY full time domestic engineer. And we all know there are way too many parents out there that DON'T sacrifice nearly enough for the sake of their children OR spouses. But I know that you are not one of those people, so this post confuses me.

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  5. Hello Friend. We shall continue to knit one another... to something that is greater than what these temporal eyes see.

    "Faith=you make wise decisions that keep you inside of God's boundaries and then rest in knowing he will guide you where he wants you to go." ~ Paul Tripp via Twitter [AND I'm not trying to tempt you to join. (; ]

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